To us alcoholics, I believe that “peace of mind” is the paramount
prerequisite to continued sobriety. During our drinking years, we did
not, and could not enjoy “peace of mind.” In the battle for sobriety,
we have four definite enemies of “peace of mind” which require
constant daily combat.
LYING is the enemy No. 1 of “peace of mind” and in connection with all
alcoholics. Lying represents one of the chief germs of the disease,
because we lied about everything when in most cases the truth would
have been better; we lied to get out of the house, on the pretext of
going to the store for groceries, but what we really wanted was
another drink. We lied about where we had been, a last minute meeting
had been called after business hours, which was the cause of our being
late for dinner, but the meeting was actually with the bartender. We
lied about money matters to our wives in order to hold out a few extra
dollars for what we believed our much needed stimulant. Therefore
under such prevarication it is understandable that we had no “peace of
mind.”
RESENTMENT is enemy No. 2 of “peace of mind” because with a heart full
of bitterness, jealousy and resentment, there is certainly no “peace
of mind.” We hated our neighbor because he was a pious, church-going,
prohibitioner, who had on numerous occasions seen us come home in a
condition much the worse for liquor, and maybe he had even offered
words of condolence to our wives, which heaped more searing coals upon
our fire of hate. We resented with fervor, and a sickening jealousy,
the successes of our superiors, even the promotion of our associates,
and sometimes said to ourselves, “Why didn’t I get that promotion
instead of him?” and immediately set out to drown what we felt to be
our troubles. And so, living in the cloak of resentment, it is again
quite understandable that we had no “peace of mind.”
INTOLERANCE is enemy No. 3 of “peace of mind.” It is the inability of
an individual to cope with the smallest irritation. If we should make
an error we excuse ourselves with the thought that it is human nature
to err, but just let some one else make a comparable error and what
happens? You know, we blow up –and did we make any effort to help the
erring person? No! We were intolerant and couldn’t understand how any
one could be so dumb, and if we happened to be in a position of
authority, we were more than likely to let off our super dynamic,
egocentric, self-esteemed, arrogant, alcoholic steam, by firing the
poor erring individual, not giving two hoots what happened to him or
his family. So here again, we had no “peace of mind.”
SELFISHNESS is enemy No. 4 of “peace of mind.” Looking back, how many
times have the children gone to bed without milk, simply because the
alcoholic needed the last 50 cents in the house for a half pint of
“rot gut?” How many times have the lights been cut off, the gas cut
off, credit at the grocery discontinued, and many other necessities of
life been denied our families, because of that unquenchable thirst of
selfishness? In short, every alcoholic, at some time during his
drinking career has gone through this nightmare, and could any one
mean to say that we could have “peace of mind” under these conditions?
There are many more enemies of “peace of mind”, but these four seem to
be the outstanding. Some readers might want to change their
arrangement, but regardless of arrangement, we must agree, they are
all important enemies of “peace of mind”: 1. LYING: 2. RESENTMENT: 3.
INTOLERANCE: 4. SELFISHNESS.
Perhaps as a new-member of A.A. you may ask, “What do the enemies of
‘peace of mind’ have to do with my sobriety? After all, the only thing
I am interested in right now is sobriety.”
This is a very natural, and very good question, and helps firmly to
establish the fact, even more solidly, that you are definitely an
alcoholic! . . . Without “peace of mind” we will not now, and never
experience continued sobriety. We will not now, and never experience
“peace of mind” until we start getting rid of the enemies of “peace of
mind.”
How are we to eradicate these enemies?
TRUTH. Let us substitute truth for lying. This is a lethal weapon
against our enemy No. 1, and truth is the first step in obtaining, and
retaining “peace of mind.” Now we are able to face our fellow-man, our
neighbor, our friend, our loved ones, with an open heart and mind. We
have nothing to cover up, or hide, behind the enemy of “peace of mind”
any longer. We are free once more, and have also gained in self-
respect and self-confidence, because now we are on the first step to
genuine “peace of mind.”
LOVE, RESPECT, PRIDE (in the success of others). These we must
substitute for resentment. America is the land of the free and
remember, our neighbor is privileged to be a church-goer, a
prohibitioner, or anything else he desires, because he is to be
respected. An expression of pride at the successes of our superiors,
or associates, will always reflect most favorably upon the expressor.
How many times have we held resentment for the ones we love the most?
But that was because they didn’t understand our illness and were
constantly attempting to make us quit drinking.
Do you want to see the wife brighten up, and bend over backward to do
things for you? Then substitute love for that resentment. The very
small expression of appreciation toward a loved one will change a
clouded picture to one of sunshine and brightness. Just a word of
praise makes the little wife feel a whole lot more like doing the very
things she always has, and always will do for us. This game of
substituting love for resentment works both ways, girls, so let’s not
have it a one sided affair. Remember, the old man likes to hear words
of praise and encouragement, too. And now we have taken our second
step toward “peace of mind”.
TOLERANCE. We shall substitute this for intolerance. Courtesy,
kindness, and helpfulness toward others. The small irritations which
once caused us to be intolerant are merely problems of the other
fellow. We may be able to help him by exercising patience and
tolerance. In so doing we are building better and stronger foundations
for our own character thus making the ease with which we maintain our
sobriety, a pillar of strength in our very lives. At this point, being
tolerant does not mean that we turn into spineless, wishy-washy jelly
fish. We must season tolerance with a fixed determination of firmness.
Here is a very fine line which must be guarded against crossing
because a fixed determination of firmness unseasoned with tolerance
can surely back-fire into critical narrow-mindedness. The success of
your tolerance in obtaining, and maintaining “peace of mind” is a big
factor in the maintaining of sobriety.
UNSELFISHNESS. Here substituted for selfishness, which involves first
the practice of giving, and doing for others: your fellow man, your
friends, neighbors and family. It is even possible to experience a
spiritual awakening, mentioned in our A.A. 12 steps, in the practice
of unselfishness, because you will recall that, “It is more blessed to
give than to receive.” And now that we are living in a new world of
truth, love, tolerance, and unselfishness, we find it quite pleasant
to be able to meet each new day, and the problems it presents, because
we have a new and better understanding of normal life and a sane and
sober capability to cope with any and all conditions that arise.
There is only one road to joy, happiness, success, prosperity, and
“peace of mind” (for the alcoholic) and that is sobriety. If you
really want sobriety more than anything else in this world, you can
have it and it doesn’t cost you one cent. Alcoholics Anonymous stands
ready and willing to teach you, and guide you along this road to joy,
happiness, success, prosperity, and “peace of mind”.
Don G.
Florida